It’s Better When We Wait

This post is really for men.

Let’s say you’re in love with a girl or maybe just extremely like her but she doesn’t like you back, what should you do? Well, there are three options: drop her, befriend her, or wait for her.

Sometimes dropping a girl is the easiest thing a man can do because there are no strings attached. You can do the whole bullshit “let’s be friends” but you know that you’ll never be friends unless you really want to be. Befriending her can get messy especially if you really like her and so if you’re going to stay her friend, it’s best to give both of you space.

But then there’s always waiting.

Now, waiting has its positives and negatives. You could be waiting for this girl for years and that could be a real strain on your heart and unless you see improvement, it’s not worth it. You see, when you wait for a girl to discover that she likes you and wants to date you or has the same feelings you do for her, you could be waiting days, months or even years. It’s a huge commitment and you better be ready for it but you also better be ready to drop the whole escapade. Clinging on to anything for too long is not a good thing.

 

But if you want to wait for a girl, there are many options you can try.

The minute she finds out that you like her, you could somewhat drop her but still remain friends. The trick is that you don’t see her every day and you start limiting your hangout dates and expand them over long periods of time (maybe once a month) to see if anything changes. What you really want is for her to miss you. If you appear after a long period of time and her eyes light up when she sees you, that’s a good sign. That means that she genuinely misses you and maybe has thought about you two as a couple.

However, since you really care about her, you could always just constantly make hangout dates with her, but don’t rearrange your schedule for her. Let the chips fall where they may. Then, when you’ve had a few months of hangout time, take a break. Don’t see her for a couple of weeks or even a month. Don’t prolong the gap too long because she may have moved on by then but if you disappear for a short period of time, the odds could be in your favour. Whether you actually take a trip or just disappear for a month or a few weeks, you’ve got to tell her something like you’re going on a trip or you have an exam to study for, etc. You can’t just cut her out as she won’t like that and will wonder why. It’s probably best to take a trip or something rather than lie but that’s up to you.

But when you do disappear, make sure that she knows that you’re going to wait for her. Even if she doesn’t want you to wait and wants you to move on, the thought of waiting has been etched in her brain. And when you disappear and reappear, her thoughts about waiting may have changed.

Sometime you have to wait, love.

-The Rufflovologist  

Word of the Day

Miserere

Mac Dictionary’s definition:

|ˌmizəˈre(ə)rē, -ˈri(ə)rē|
noun
1 (also Miserere)a psalm in which mercy is sought, esp. Psalm 51 or the music written for it.
2 another term for misericord ( sense 1).
ORIGIN Middle English: from Latin, ‘have mercy!,’ imperative of misereri, from miser ‘wretched.’

Which miserere is your favourite?

Word of the Day

Paradigm

Mac Dictionary’s definition:

|ˈparəˌdīm|

noun
1 technical a typical example or pattern of something; a model: there is a new paradigm for public art in this country.
• a worldview underlying the theories and methodology of a particular scientific subject: the discovery of universal gravitation became the paradigm of successful science.
2 a set of linguistic items that form mutually exclusive choices in particular syntactic roles: English determiners form a paradigm: we can say “a book” or “his book” but not “a his book.” Often contrasted with syntagm.
• (in the traditional grammar of Latin, Greek, and other inflected languages) a table of all the inflected forms of a particular verb, noun, or adjective, serving as a model for other words of the same conjugation or declension.

ORIGIN late 15th cent.: via late Latin from Greek paradeigma, from paradeiknunai ‘show side by side,’ from para- ‘beside’ + deiknunai ‘to show.’

What’s the new paradigm?

Word of the Day

Uncouth

Mac Dictionary’s definition:

|ˌənˈko͞oTH|

adjective 

(of a person or their appearance or behavior) lacking good manners, refinement, or grace: he is unwashed, uncouth, and drunk most of the time.

• (esp. of art or language) lacking sophistication or delicacy: uncouth sketches of peasants.• 

archaic (of a place) uncomfortable, esp. because of remoteness or poor conditions.

DERIVATIVES 

uncouthly adverb.

uncouthness noun

ORIGIN Old English uncūthunknown, from un-1not + cūth(past participle of cunnanknow, be able).

Are you ever uncouth?

Sometimes We Have to Break

Love is hard and anyone who has told you it’s easy has never been in love. Not actually. In love, you have to sacrifice yourself for someone you deeply care about. Not all the results are death though. Your significant other may have some physical disease or an emotional one or something else entirely.

The point is, never give up on love not even if the person you’re in love with isn’t available. That could mean married, dating, with someone, out of the country, etc.

Of course, you should also never obsess. If the person you’re in love with is not available or does not reciprocate the same love back, that doesn’t mean you should give up, but it doesn’t mean you should force them into anything they don’t want. Take baby steps. Constantly move a bit closer and see if they react. In addition to this, still look for someone else. Maybe the person you’re in love with is not for you. I’m not saying they aren’t, but don’t break your heart over maybes. It’s not worth it.

As a friend once told me, they don’t know what they’re giving up. If someone doesn’t want you, it’s their loss. And maybe they’ll realize it and maybe they won’t and maybe you will be the one unavailable. Love and life work in strange ways. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the word “love” is just one letter replaced from “live”. You’ve got to love in order to live.

 

So if you have to break yourself in order to be with the one you love, that’s O.K. And maybe the person you’re breaking for doesn’t want you or maybe you’ll lose them in the end. And yes, you may be more broken than you were before (and I mean both physically and mentally) but the point is that in life we need to take risks even if those risks could be life threatening.

For example, maybe your partner gave you an S.T.D. Do you regret being with that person? I would hope not.

Sometimes you have to break yourself in order to be with someone else. And don’t let it bring you down because love is a powerful emotion and sometimes can’t be controlled.

Don’t be afraid to break. Love.

 

-The Rufflovologist

Word of the Day

Pother

Mac Dictionary’s definition:

|ˈpäT͟Hər|
noun [ in sing. ] literary
a commotion or fuss: don’t make such a pother!
ORIGIN late 16th cent.: of unknown origin.

Do you make pothers?

Word of the Day

Lingo

Mac Dictionary’s definition:

|ˈliNGgō|

noun (pl. lingos or lingoes) informal, often humorous
a foreign language or local dialect: they were unable to speak a word of the local lingo.
• the vocabulary or jargon of a particular subject or group of people: fat, known in medical lingo as adipose tissue.

ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: probably via Portuguese lingoa from Latin lingua ‘tongue.’

What’s your lingo?

Word of the Day

Pseudonym

Mac Dictionary’s definition:

|ˈso͞odn-im|

noun
a fictitious name, esp. one used by an author.

DERIVATIVES
pseudonymity |ˌso͞odnˈimətē| noun

ORIGIN early 19th cent.: from French pseudonyme, from Greek pseudōnymos, from pseudēs ‘false’ + onuma ‘name.’

What’s your pseudonym?

Word of the Day

Pinch

Mac Dictionary’s definition:

|pinCH|

verb [ with obj. ]
1 grip (something, typically someone’s flesh) tightly and sharply between finger and thumb: she pinched his cheek.
• (of a shoe) hurt (a foot) by being too tight.
• compress (the lips), esp. with worry or tension: Aunt Rose pinched her thin lips together.
• remove (a bud, leaves, etc.) to encourage bushy growth.
2 [ no obj. ] live in a frugal way: if I pinch and scrape, I might manage.
3 informal arrest (someone): I was pinched for speeding.
• informal steal: he pinched a handful of candies.
4 Sailing sail (a boat) so close to the wind that the sails begin to lose power.

noun
1 an act of gripping the skin of someone’s body between finger and thumb: he gave her a gentle pinch.
• an amount of an ingredient that can be held between fingers and thumb: add a pinch of salt.
2 informal an arrest.
• an act of theft or plagiarism.

PHRASES
in a pinch in a critical situation; if absolutely necessary.
feel the pinch experience hardship, esp. financial.
have to pinch oneself used to convey that a good situation is so surprising that the person involved has to make sure they are not imagining it: sometimes I have to pinch myself to realize it isn’t all a dream.
pinch (one’s) pennies see penny.

DERIVATIVES
pincher noun

ORIGIN Middle English (as a verb): from an Old Northern French variant of Old French pincier ‘to pinch.’

What was the last thing you added a pinch to?

Women Should Talk to Men

The Rufflovologist is back and this time he has a new topic but within the same subject: relationships.

I was on the bench today listening to these two women discuss their relationships with these two men they have been seeing. They were asking questions like how committed their men are. Apparently one of the girls thought that her friend’s man really liked her. Apparently Grahame (I’m guessing her ex) was a douchebag because he didn’t commit and was very hard to read. But the problem with listening to these women make guesses as to who their men are and if they are going to stay for the long hold was that the two men weren’t present on the bench as well.

You see, in a relationship you shouldn’t have to guess what the other is thinking and if you’re not sure you should ask and they should tell you or they should just straight up tell you without you even asking. But relationships these days seem to all be about confusion, distrust, and lust. And lust is not love but that’s a different topic.

So many relationships end because the couple couldn’t understand whom the other person was or maybe they did and they didn’t like it.

But the best way to understand a man or a woman is to talk to them. You see, with us men, we are very easy to understand if you ask the right questions. To us, women are the complex ones. But if your woman is unsure as to whom you are as a man, well, tell her. And if you think (this goes for women too) that your partner is unfaithful or you have doubts, you’re probably right.

Jason Bourne (not a relationship therapist) said that you should always go with your instincts and you should. But if you’re unsure of the situation, talk to your man and hopefully he’ll talk back.

The problem is, not many people are willing to be honest these days. Why can’t you just say, “Yes, I cheated”, “Yes, I’m never settling down”, “No, I don’t want kids,” etc., etc. Why is love a damn game of guessing? Yes, some of these statements may be harsh to your partner but they’re going to figure it out anyway and isn’t it better if you just tell them now rather than later? Then you don’t waste both of your time.

So women, talk to your man and men, talk to your woman. Because when you talk, the other listens. Usually.

Be honest love,

 

-The Rufflovologist